Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Spring Break

So Easter is here, and Spring break is officially on…which means pink seersucker dresses, white linen, Peeps, bubbles and beach toys, and all things outdoors. Here in Louisiana, gardening centers are packed, the snowball stands are open again, the parks are full of kids and kites, and you can almost smell the crawfish boils in the air. It also marks the end of lent, so all good Catholics can finally return to their guilty pleasures. It’s a happy time of year.



Mason is out of school all week and the weather is perfect, so the possibilities are endless. He had his Easter party at school on Thursday, and he came home with a bucket of colored plastic eggs filled with all sorts of goodies. We have had several egg hunts since then, and this week promises many more.










This will be our first year dyeing eggs together, and I can hardly wait! He gets so excited when we walk down the Easter aisle…eyeing all the candy and chocolate bunnies. He won’t eat them, but he still wants to buy them all. I keep waiting on the day when he realizes how wonderful chocolate is…till then, Chris and I will continue to reap the benefits at Halloween, Valentine’s Day, and Easter. And what is it about Easter candy that makes it taste better than its year-round counterparts? I’ve always felt that a Reese’s egg tastes way better than a Reese’s cup…it shouldn’t, but it does. My personal favorite is the classic Cadbury Egg…you either love it or hate it, and I love it! There’s something about that gooey little yolk in the middle that I find irresistible. I buy extra for Mason’s basket, knowing he will eat none of them. His school eggs were filled with tiny chocolates, toys, and stickers…the chocolates remain untouched, the toys are scattered, and he has stickered everything that holds still long enough for him to do so.



Madison is officially 9 months old, and continues to impress. She is doing so well sitting without support that she’s starting to get a little braver and try rocking as well…Mason says she’s dancing, and I’m inclined to agree. She gets the biggest smile and starts boppin around on the floor. We are working really hard on crawling these days…she’s close, but she hasn’t quite put it together yet. She has also started bearing weight when we hold her to stand…just for a couple of seconds, but it’s a start! She is just the happiest, sweetest little baby I have ever seen…so completely content to just be with us…her people. She is as much a part of us as we are of her, and she fits into our little puzzle perfectly.



She gives the best kisses…As soon as she sees me coming in for one, she gets this huge smile, the mouth opens and the tongue pops out. She always tries to slip the tongue in with her kisses, and it’s hysterical. We’ve started calling it the “shark bump”. You know how a shark will bump an object first to see it its edible or not? (Yes…we are the ones watching the countless hours of Shark Week every summer on Discovery Channel…we log quite a bit of Deadliest Catch time as well) Well, Maddie will give anything that comes near her mouth a bump with that tongue for the same reasons…the phone, a toy, the remote control, my face...and by the looks of those rolls, most things are actually edible.




So we are excited about Easter this year…It’s a year of “firsts” for all of us, and it promises more memories and moments to cherish for many years to come. Have a wonderful spring break, everyone!





Monday, March 22, 2010

So Dedicated.

So things usually stay pretty busy for us, and though I had every intention of scheduling Madison's baby dedication sooner...life got in the way.

For the first few months we just tried to stay afloat in the sea of newborn appointments, sleepless nights, and round-the-clock nursing. Then she caught her first cold...then her second cold, and then came the shunt. During all of this we tried to keep her in as much as possible and in the process the Dedication completely fell through the cracks. Then one day I woke up and realized she will be 9 months old in a few days, and if I don't get on the ball with this, it will no longer be a baby dedication...because Madison will be a toddler. So this weekend my "baby" was dedicated at our church.






It was also my Mother's birthday, and I promised her I'd make a cake like nothing she's ever gotten before...



She was a good sport about it. :)

In other news....Spring has finally decided to grace us with it's return, and we've been enjoying our backyard every chance we get. Watering plants just starting to bud again, blowing bubbles on the patio, sidewalk chalk on the driveway, and an afternoon with a little buddy...














And with the return of spring comes more opportunities to show off those yummy rolls...




Yay for sleeveless dresses!


And we are entering our busy season for birthday parties...it doesn't slow down until November. Preston's party was last weekend and thanks to Mrs. Anne for taking some great pics of Maddie at the party...makes me want a new camera.












...and many thanks to everyone for all the kind words and messages regarding my last post. That anniversary was just one of many milestone we will meet and it just means that sweeter, happier days are ahead. Have a great week everyone!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

One year ago today...

One year ago today my world was changed forever. I had found out just a few weeks before that we were having a baby girl…something I’d always dreamed of. I was ecstatic. My perfect little family was going to be complete. I had my beautiful little boy who was 2 at the time, and now I was expecting a precious baby girl. I remember the day we found out IT was a SHE. My husband and mother were both at the ultrasound, and we all stared and squinted trying to find that elusive hamburger, but knowing if we saw the turtle that was ok too. And then she said it….”It’s a girl”. Three words I’d wanted to hear so badly, and I was on top of the world.





From 2010-03-16

For the next few weeks I looked at tiny pink pajamas and butterfly bedding…I tossed around every girl name that had ever made my short list and I imagined what she’d be like. Then came the day when my doctor called the house. I’d gone earlier that day for another ultrasound to get a better measurement of her head. Chris had gotten home early that day after a meeting, and brought home Subway for lunch. Mason was taking a nap. I remember being surprised to hear my Doctor’s voice, but not in a frightened way. After a quick greeting, she told me she had looked over my scans and had some real concerns about the baby. She mentioned a splayed area of the spine, and her suspicions of spina bifida. After that, the rest of the conversation gets fuzzy. I know she used words like devastated and stillborn, as well as paralysis and mental delays. I felt like my body quit on me in that moment. I couldn’t breathe…I couldn’t stand up…I was sick to my stomach. Chris knew from the look on my face it was bad. After hanging up the phone, I tried to tell him, between sobs, what she’d told me. I crumpled to the floor in pain, before rushing to the bathroom as another wave of nausea rocked me. I couldn’t make sense of it in my head. How could this be happening? What went wrong? Why MY little girl?

It’s been a year and I still don’t have the answers to any of those questions. The range of emotions that you go through when something like this happens is really amazing. At first you mourn…and I did. For about 2 weeks I wandered around in a fog, giving in to one crying jag after another. I felt hopeless. I wanted to turn back time so I could start the pregnancy over again and “get it right” this time around. I was mourning a life that was still living inside of me…and I felt guilty for that. Just when the guilt and grief were about to overtake me, I went numb. We were enrolled in the MOMS trial, and I remember getting on the plane and not hoping for anything at all. I felt like it was all so out of my control that I didn’t dare hope to be accepted. Thankfully, the support system at Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia took over, and we went with the flow. They helped us navigate the murky waters of SB, when I could barely put one foot in front of the other. They gave us the information we needed, and I started to feel hope again. We were accepted, and randomized to the postnatal group of the study. I really believe that was the turning point in my pregnancy. I got home, and went back to looking at tiny pink pajamas and butterfly bedding.





From 2010-03-16

Looking at Madison now, it’s hard to think that grief was ever a part of her story…or that I was ever afraid of meeting her. It’s hard to remember that I ever thought she was anything other than perfect.





From 2010-03-16

And she is perfect…an absolute angel. I can’t imagine my life without her.





From 2010-03-16

I’ll never stop hoping that she’ll do all the things I dream of her doing…and yes, I do still get choked up sometimes when I let myself go to the dark places that usually begin with “what ifs?’ or “why?” There are no answers to these questions. God is in control of Maddie’s life, and she’s just on loan to me…so I plan to enjoy every single minute of her, and that means not wasting precious time on the “what ifs” and “whys”…it means spending more time blowing raspberries and playing peek-a-boo.





From 2010-03-16

I know there will still be some bad days ahead, but if I can’t pick myself up and continue trying to put one foot in front of the other, then how will she? And that doesn’t make me super strong, or even special in any way….I’m just the lucky one who gets to be her mama, and for me, that’s enough.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Rockin' It Out Toddler-Style

So a couple of months ago we scored on tickets for Wicked, which started in New Orleans in March, as well as The Imagination Movers. I have wanted to see Wicked again ever since we saw it in New York at Christmas a year ago...so I was thrilled to learn it was coming here, and even more excited to get tickets for ourselves and family...but I have to say, as the date for the Movers got closer, I found myself more excited about watching the show with Mason, then I ever was about Wicked. Just the thought of seeing him rock out to the only idols he's ever known...well, I couldn't wait. And he didn't disappoint...


On our way...
From 2010-03-13




perfect weather.
From 2010-03-13




my two favorite guys
From 2010-03-13




the excitement is building!!!
From 2010-03-13






From 2010-03-13




I think he was star struck at this point.
From 2010-03-13






From 2010-03-13




and there they were in the flesh...
From 2010-03-13




Oh yeah...he's lovin it.
From 2010-03-13




Here he's contemplating that age old question that keeps most 3 year olds up at night...."How low can I go?"
From 2010-03-13




total rockstar move...
From 2010-03-13




my little guy loves to feed ducks...A perfect ending to the day.
From 2010-03-13




And since Miss Maddie was left out of the festivities...a few pics
From 2010-03-13




Oh, how we are SO ready for spring!
From 2010-03-13

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Moving On

You know that feeling you get when something you've been dreading for a long time is finally over? Like a giant weight has been lifted off of your chest and you can finally breathe a deep sigh of relief...I'm there today.
Since Madison's first day of life I have dreaded the possibility of a shunt. We waited and watched for months as she danced the fine line between ok and not ok. Then came the letdown of actually moving forward with the surgery...and now that it's behind us, I feel like I can finally breathe. Sigh.... yeah, I know we are far from in the clear as far as complications go, but she is doing beautifully, and we are enjoying our moments more, now that the dreaded has finally passed. We can move on...


And Madison is back to her happy, sweet, little self...
From 2010-03-02



From 2010-02-28






Is there anything sweeter than this smile?



Now that Maddie is feeling better, she's enjoying her tummy time again. She's getting so big, so fast...and I can't shake the feeling that I'm trying to hold onto a fistful of sand and it keeps slipping right through my fingers. I beg her to stay little all the time...and even though I spend every moment with her, I always feel like I'm missing something. I miss the baby she was last month, last week, yesterday....it's just going so fast.

From 2010-02-28



From 2010-02-28


And Mason, my big guy....He has recently started to help me in the kitchen...with anything, and everything. He's my favorite little sous chef.
From 2010-02-28







We're still working the kinks out
...but it's a good thing we like butter. :)





From 2010-02-28



He enjoys making pretty much anything, but his favorite thing of all is making "cookie doughs."
He likes his dough plain...no chips or nuts, and he calls them "clean cookies."






From 2010-02-28


The only thing more fun than making cookies with Mason, is watching him wait for them to come out.






From 2010-02-28



This Friday we had our follow up appointment with Madison's neurosurgeon at Children's in New Orleans. My parents were taking Mason that morning, and we decided to all meet up at the Children's Museum after lunch. Mason had never been, and I hadn't been since I was little.

It hadn't changed much, and we loved every minute of it.







From 2010-02-28









From 2010-02-28




Madison had a great time too...







From 2010-02-28




While we were at the museum, there was another baby there that looked close to Maddie's age...maybe younger. I couldn't help but notice as she crawled up the padded ramps in the play area. She was getting around well, and I realized that now is the time I'm going to really start to see a difference between us and them. We are rapidly approaching the stages where other kids will hit some major milestones, and I have to remind myself that she'll hit them too...just in her own time. I guess that's part of the reason that I'm so desperate to hold onto her so tightly. I want to keep things simple, and it's all so incredibly simple when they're tiny and no one is ahead and no one is behind.




From 2010-02-28






From 2010-02-28




Nothing makes him happier than a train table...Although he had lots of fun in the grocery store as well.





From 2010-02-28





From 2010-02-28









From 2010-02-28





From 2010-02-28


Possibly an "engineer-in-the-making" following in Daddy's footsteps?


After a long day playing tourists in the city, we all went to Rock n Sake for dinner...YUM! I wish I'd taken a pic of the sushi platter we got, but it wasn't around long enough...Delish!

So all in all...a great start to the weekend!
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