Thursday, February 27, 2014

A Little Perspective

So, I've been taking a much-needed break from blogging...and I have not regretted it, because I truly believe at some point you need to stop documenting your life, and just start living it...Right there.  In the moment.  As it's happening.   Sometimes we get so used to looking at things through a lens, that we forget how amazing it can be to just take a step back and see it through our own eyes.   So, that's what I've been doing...enjoying the moments as they come, planning less and doing more, and savoring every second of age 7 and age 4, because I know how quickly it goes.    But, someone recently reminded me how important blogging was at another time in my life.  How I read page after page of blogs by others who were on the brighter side of the tunnel I had just entered.  I clung to their words for answers, for encouragement, for hope, and for permission to be angry, afraid,  guilty, and completely heartbroken all at once.  Their words were exactly what I needed at that time.  If they had walked away from blogging when things got easier, I may have never known that things would get easier.  And they have.  Our life is not about Spina Bifida...and it hasn't been for awhile now.  And maybe that's what needs to be said.  Maybe to that person who can't see past the next day, week, or month...they need to know that life does go on.   You will laugh again, promise.  It gets much better.

Most people at some point in their lives, will get that phone call that changed everything.  They can recall the moment with absolute clarity, because from that point on, things were different.  What you do from that moment on is what will define you...not the diagnoses, not the loss, not the actual moment...but all the moments that follow it, is what will shape you into the person you were meant to be.   

My life is pretty great.  It's full of love, laughter, and all the highs and lows that come with having kids and watching them grow.  I've been asked before if I wished SB wasn't part of our lives...the short answer is simple...yes.   I'd take it from her in a heartbeat if I could.  But, I know that none of us would be who we are today, had it never happened.  I see Mason becoming such a caring, compassionate little guy, and Maddie finding her limits- surpassing them, and then pushing for more.  And what I once feared could take a toll on my marriage, has only made it stronger.   We've all learned to rely on, and support each other every step of the way.  So yes, while I sometimes wish it never come into our lives, I am completely content with the life that has been shaped by it.  It may not have been the story I would have written, but it's real, and it's beautiful, and I wouldn't change a thing.

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